The Blog of Hogwarts
by Fox of Apocolypse
Summary: Like the title says. Hogwarts has a new blog. However, a new blog doesn't stop Harry from getting into like threatening situations. AU, but there will be some of the cannon...


The Blog of Hogwarts

Hi!

I know there is one other story like this, called _The Hogwarts Blog_. I assure you, I am not copying. I just thought it was a good idea.

**Darkestfury.**

(P.S: Starts at the beginning of Harry's Third Year at Hogwarts.)

3:30pm Saturday

Dear Students

It is with great pleasure for me to announce the beginning of the school blog! A word of caution: teachers can take points, give detentions and more. Please do not try to intentionally hurt another student. Rules can be viewed in all Common Rooms.

Professor Dumbledore

**Hermione: **This is so cool!

**Ron: **But Hermione, I don't even know how to _work _these things! What's this button here? It's like a circle with a bit of the top taken off and line going right down to the middle…

**Ron Weasley signed off.**

**Harry: **The idiot. He just pressed the off button.

**A Blog about…me**

Harry Potter

Uh…I have next to no experience with computers so bear with me. As you can see, this blog is about, well, me and my life.

Well, if you're still reading this rubbish I might as well keep going.

What I hate is RON AND HERMIONE'S FIGHTING! It's drives me up the wall! They're _always _going at it, it's insane. I'm sure most of Hogwarts (including the teachers) will agree with me. Sorry, Professor Lupin, you're going to have to get used to it. The alarm (Ron and Hermione) goes off at around nine in the morning. We'd best be prepared.

Still reading? I'm shocked…

Well, my favorite class is DADA, even though we've had one dead and ones memory lost. My least favorite class would have to be History of Magic. I would enjoy Potions if I didn't have insults thrown my way every couple of seconds.

If you're still reading you must really love my life. Fortunately for me, unfortunately for you, I'm finished…for now.

**Hermione: **Sorry Harry! I didn't know we wake you up.

**Harry: **Wake _me _up? You wake up all of Hogwarts! Even the Slytherins, and they're in the dungeons!

**Professor Lupin: **Consider me warned.

**Professor McGonagall: **I haven't had a good nights sleep since they came to Hogwarts! They're nearly as bad as Lily and James were!

**Harry: **My parents fought?

**Professor Flitwik: **Oh yes, very much. You haven't been told?

**Harry: **No. All the Dursley's told me that they were no good freaks that got drunk and died in a car crash, landing me with them.

**Professor Lupin:** WHAT!

**Professor McGonagall: **You took the words right out of my mouth.

**Harry: **Then I learnt they were murdered by Voldemort and the curse rebounded off of me.

**Hermione: **You never told us about what the Dursley's said!

**Harry: **You were fighting too much to listen!

**Ron: **Still…

**Harry: **Just forget it.

**Harry Potter signed off.**

**Professor Lupin: **Is he always like that?

**Ron: **Always. I still don't know what goes on at the Dursley's, though when I saw there were bars on his windows and he was being starved, I knew it wasn't good.

**Hermione: **RONALD WEASLEY! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!

**Professor Lupin: **Starved? Bars? Oh dear Merlin…

**Professor Flitwik: **That's what I was just going to say.

**Professor Lupin: **Lily and James are going to come back and haunt me…

**Professor Sprout: **That'll be a sight to see.

**Muggleborn Through and Through**

Hermione Granger

I will murder Harry.

_**MURDER!**_

He didn't tell me _or _Ron about the Dursley's! We don't even know how they treat him! Oh dear, bars on the windows…I don't think they were for security…

My best friend Harry is a very quiet, sly, sneaky and secretive person who always gets thrown into life threatening situations. For example, the Chamber of Secrets. He went in there and fought a 12 ft Basilisk, for Merlins sake.

Ron's obsessed with the Chudley Cannons, I have no idea why. They're horrible! He's the best chess player I've ever seen but sucks at Exploding Snap. Harry smashes him there. Me? Well, I like Gobstones. You really need to concentrate, but not as much as you need to in Exploding Snap. If they used the same amount of concentration on their homework that they use on their games, they would breeze though life quite well.

**Ron: **You'll get a life sentence for murdering, you know. But because it's Harry, it'll probably be a death penalty. Remember Sirius Black? You should, he's in the papers everywhere.

**Hermione: **Of course I'd remember Sirius Black! Who couldn't?

**Harry: **Who's Sirius Black?

**Ron: **WHAT!

**Harry: **Don't get your head in a mess, I'm only joking. And here I thought you had a sense of humor…

**Ron: **Whatever.

**Harry: **I only girls said that. I doubt you're a girl, but I could be mistaken…

**Ron Weasley signed off.**

**Harry: **Sour puss.

**Hermione: **You read my mind.

**Professor Trelweney: **Reading minds? Sounds interesting…

**Harry Potter signed off.**

**Hermione Granger signed off.**

**Professor Trelweney:** Well really!

**Chudley Cannon Supporter**

Ron Weasley

I'm a pure-blood, so I'm not really sure how these computers work. I accidentally pressed the off button before. Harry just showed me how to get it on again.

Like my blog title said, I'm a Chudley Cannon Supporter. I have most of their merchandise, I still need the hat, the toothbrush and a few shirts before I complete the set. I was rather depressed with Dragomir Gorgovitch, but the team bounced right back up.

I have a huge family. There's my mum, who's cooking rivals the food at Hogwarts, Dad, who's obsessed with everything Muggle (he collects batteries for Merlins sake!), Bill, who is one of the most awesomest brothers you could ask for (he's a curse-breaker), Charlie, who works with dragons in Romania, Percy, this years Head Boy (sorry Perce, but you act like a pompous prat!), Fred and George, the best pranksters since the Marauders (Dad told me about them, the were awesome. Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony and Prongs), me and Ginny, who, for such a small person, packs a mighty hex. Sorry Harry, but she's leveling up to you.

Oh, and there's Aunt Muriel, but she…you don't really want to know. Lets just say she makes Neville's grandmother seem like a very big softie with a very kind heart. _**VERY **_kind.

**Ginny Weasley: **Thanks Ron, but never call me little again. You might find that my wand might just slip…

**Hermione Granger: **And I wasn't mentioned because…

**Ron Weasley: **Sorry Hermione. I will put you in.

**Professor Lupin: **The Marauders, they were better than just awesome Ron. Harry's Dad was Prongs.

**Harry Potter: **!

**Hermione Granger:** English, please.

**Harry Potter: **Hermione, you read the rules. No swearing.

**Ron Weasley: **Good one, mate.

**Fred & George Weasley: **Harry's Dad was Prongs! He's one of our idols!

**Harry Potter: **Can't we have user names or something, because having 'Harry Potter' all of the time just gets annoying.

**Hermione Granger: **What would you have yours as?

**Harry Potter: **The Worlds Smartest Idiot. If not, I'll have something utterly humorous and random.

**Ron Weasley: **Ha! One of the best names I've heard.

**Professor Lupin: **Wouldn't it cancel itself out?

**Harry Potter: **You spoil my fun.

**Greatest Pranksters Ever**

Fred and George Weasley

GW - Hi!

FW - I'm Fred –

GW - And I'm George! We're the pranksters of Hogwarts –

FW – and this is our blog.

F & GW – Our favorite things include driving Minnie up the wall, pranking Slytherins and getting on Snape's bad side. We love our Muggle music, even Malfoy would love Muggle music! That's saying something. We love Fallout Boy, Good Charlotte and quite a bit of Kesha. Lady Gaga is horrible, as is Guy Sebastian.

**Harry Potter: **YOU DON'T LIKE GUY SEBASTIAN!

**Fred & George Weasley: **YOU LIKE GUY SEBASTIAN!

**Harry Potter: **No, I just wanted to cause a scene. I like Rebecca Knbeubuhl and Gabriel Mann, and Timbaland.

**Hermione Granger: **I think Hogwarts should host a talent show. It'd be fun.

**Harry Potter: **Yeah, and we should get Percy to dance on stage starkers. *****sarcastic*****

**Percy Weasley:** Hey!

**Harry Potter: **That's what horses eat.

**Percy Weasley: **Humph!

**Harry Potter: **Yeah, whatever.

**Fred & George: **Be careful, ickle Harrykins! Percy's the big mean Bighead Boy, he'll put you in detention! *sniggers*

**Harry Potter: **I'd like to see him try! Over and out!

**Harry Potter signed off. Again. For the third time today.**

**Hermione Granger: **It shouldn't say that…

**Ron Weasley: **Because Harry's being an idiot and typing that in.

**Harry Potter: **TRAITOR! I thought you were my friend. *sobs*

**Hermione Granger:** Honestly.

**Uh…**

Crabbe and Goyle

Hi we crabbe and goyle. we dont .usualy do this we dont no how to spell properly ither.

malfoy is one of our frends but we dont realy think he likes us cause hes always callin us bufoons.

We realy like pi too.

**Draco Malfoy: **Can you even _spell_? At all?

**Harry Potter: **Doesn't look like it.

**Draco Malfoy: **What are you doing here, Potter?

**Harry Potter: **Cheering myself up.

**Draco Malfoy: **Still trying to get over the Dementor attack? You should attach a parachute to your broomstick – you know, just incase the Dementors come during Quidditch.

**Harry Potter: **You should attach an arm to yours, Malfoy – you know, to catch the Snitch for you.

**Draco Malfoy: **Ha, ha. Hilarious.

**Harry Potter: **Glad you think so.

**Draco Malfoy: **It was sarcasm, Potter.

**Harry Potter: **Well, you could've put *sarcastic* in, so I would know.

**Draco Malfoy: **…

**Harry Potter signed off.**

**Draco Malfoy: **What a weirdo…

Slytherin King

Draco Malfoy

Like most pure-bloods on this – thing, I have no idea how to work this. Ah well, I'm a Slytherin, I'll get it soon enough.

Contrary to what everyone believes, I am not a Dark Lord supporter. Muggle-borns being kicked out of Hogwarts – yes. Killing and maiming to do so – hell no! I might be a pure-blood maniac, but I am no murderer. I won't blast people out of my way just because they're there, that's _his _job.

Also, I'm NOT, and let me repeat, NOT an arrogant bully! I say what I say or I'll be kicked out of my family! And most of you won't believe it, but it's true.

I love Potions, quite like DADA even though the teachers we've had so far were rubbish. I'm just hoping Professor Lupin will be better. Like the Weasley Twins said, I actually quite like Muggle music, like…I dunno, Sneaky Sound System and Sean Kingston. Don't ask how I've heard of them, I just have, okay? No Questions? Good.

**Harry Potter: **Shocker…a complete shocker.

**Neville Longbottom: **I agree.

**Ron Weasley: **You don't believe this, do you?

**Harry Potter: **Course I do. I can believe this, I've read it somewhere…

**Ron Weasley: **WHAT! You – read…when, where and how?

**Harry Potter: **When, a few days ago, where, in the library, how, opened the book up and read the words. Surely you understand.

**Draco Malfoy: **Now _that's _a shocker.

**Ron Weasley: **For the first and last time in my life, I agree with you. Shocking.

**Ginny Weasley: **Ron – agreeing with Malfoy? The day's full of surprises!

**Harry Potter: **Never agreed with you more. The world is ending.

**Ginny Weasley: **The world started ending when Malfoy posted this.

**Draco Malfoy: **Do _any _of you believe me?

**Harry Potter: **I do!

**Ron Weasley: **Hell no!

**Neville Longbottom: **It's understandable, but no. I'm not falling for it

**Hermione Granger: **No.

**Ginny Weasley: **Surprisingly – no.

**Pansy Parkinson: **Course I do!

**Crabbe and Goyle: **ya, we doo.

Ron Weasley signed off.

**Hermione Granger signed off.**

**Neville Longbottom signed off.**

**Ginny Weasley signed off.**

**Crabbe and Goyle signed off.**

**Pansy Parkinson signed off.**

**Harry Potter: **What was all that about?

Draco Malfoy: No idea.

**Harry Potter: **What if your dad sees this? Won't he pop a blood vessel?

**Draco Malfoy: **!

**Harry Potter: **You didn't think about that, did you?

**Draco Malfoy: **Oh damn…

**Harry Potter: **If you get a Howler, run. If you get an e-Howler, run. If you –

**Draco Malfoy: **Let me guess, the answer to the next one is _run_.

**Harry Potter: **Yes, ironically.

**Draco Malfoy: **Why don't people believe me?

**Harry Potter: **You treat people like dirt, you act rude and snobbish, you hex people for nothing and many people hate you.

**Draco Malfoy: **Wow, I really act like a…wow…

**Harry Potter: **Eh, look at me. I was unceremoniously thrown into fame, get thrown into dangerous situations, have a whale of a cousin and Uncle, my Aunt's a bony horse (still can't believe she's related to my mother) and I'm treated like a house elf. What does that say about life?

**Draco Malfoy: **Merlin, and I thought _I _had it bad.

**Harry Potter: **Like I said, what does that say about life?

**Draco Malfoy: **It's a hellhole.

**Harry Potter: **Couldn't of put it better myself.

**End of Chapter 1.**

**Tell me whatcha think. I know it's strange, having Malfoy and Harry getting along, but things will become clearer for you – and hopefully me – soon.**

**Next chapter will be coming so fast you won't be able to say **_**Quidditch**_**.**

**D**._A_.R.**K**._E_.S.**T**._F_.U.**R**._Y_


End file.
